Parenthood is one of those things in life that should come with some sort of an instruction manual. Unfortunately it doesn't. Luckily for you and I, there are places to turn. We can look with our bloodshot, glazed over eyes to the parents that have gone before us. Only in there successes and failures can we find the help we are in desperate need of. Or at least a good laugh. The poop on the crib may not be funny now, but in 15 years when your son has his first girlfriend and you have the pictures it will finally be funny.
Looking for a good laugh?
The Science of Parenthood book is a hilarious guide to the world of parenting. Whether you are new on this journey, a veteran, or currently knee deep in Legos and Princesses this book is for you. I laughed, I nodded my head in agreement, and laughed some more.
I wanted to share a little story from Norine, it reminded me so much of my own child. On our first trip to Walt Disney World, taxiing out to the runway, and all of sudden someone had to go potty…
When Your Kid Will Poop
by Norine of Science of Parenthood
When will your kid poop … or pee for that matter? Well, it sure as hell won’t be the 10 times you ask if he has to use the potty. A child will always wait till the least convenient moment. And then he’ll have to go immediately.
My son was 3 when we were flying home to Orlando after my cousin’s wedding in Denver. My husband had had to work, so it was just the two of us, knocking around the Denver airport waiting to board our flight.
“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to the airport.
He shook his head vehemently. “No.”
“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked before we went through security.
“No.”
“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to our gate.
“No.”
“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked as they started boarding our flight.
“No.”
And so we settled into our seats in the bulkhead and fastened our seat belts. My son busied himself looking out the window at the planes maneuvering around the gates. I opened a New York magazine, I’d been looking forward to reading. (When your kid’s a toddler, how often do you get time to read something other than a board book?) I bared noticed when we pushed back from the gate and began rolling toward the runway. And then …
“Mommy…”
“Hmmm,” I murmured, absently.
“Mommy! …” he said, a bit more insistently.
“Yes?” I said, without looking up from the page.
“MOMMY!”
“What???” I turned to look at him.
“I need to go potty.”
“Now?!? Why didn’t you go when I asked you to?”
“I didn’t have to go before. I have to go now.”
Of course, he did. I looked around helplessly. I didn’t know what to do, what I could do. So I rang the Call button.
A flight attendant appeared almost instantly. “What can I do for you?”
“My son needs to go potty,” I explained. “Can we just pop into the bathroom, like super fast?”
She shook her head. “We’re next in line for takeoff,” she said. (Of course we were!) “Can he hold it?”
I certainly hoped so. I had no extra clothes in my bag, and the thought of spending the four-hour flight with a stinky, wet, cold, whining child wasn’t a happy one.
I have to say the next 25 minutes were among the tensest in my life as I parried my son’s repeated potty pleas with Not yet, Soon, In a few minutes and the increasingly desperate, Almost, baby. Just hold it a little bit longer.
As soon as I felt the plane level off, I rang the Call button again.
“Can I take him now?” I begged the flight attendant. “Please!”
“The seatbelt sign is lit, so I can’t tell you that you can get up,” she said.
“Are you gonna stand in my way?”
“Nope,” she said with a smile, moving aside so I could scoop my boy out of his seat and into the lavatory.
A few minutes later, we slid back into our seats, one dry, not poopy boy and one very relieved mom.
As we buckled our seat belts again, the flight attendant reappeared. “I thought you could use this,” she said with infinite kindness. Then she placed a cup of ice and a bottle of Stoli on my tray table.
Perfect description of our first plane ride as a family. Like seriously, her kid and mine must have read the same book How to Make Mommy a Nervous Wreck on an Airplane!
Norine Dworkin-McDaniel is co-author with illustrator Jessica Ziegler of Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations released in November by She Writes Press. It’s available on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Follow Norine and Jessica on their blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Is Science of Parenthood coming to your town? Check out our tour schedule. Want Science of Parenthood to come to your town? Message us!
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