I am a planner. I always have been, always will be. Growing up my life was anything but easy. I have a lot of stories to tell but those will have to be saved for another day. Despite everything, I had big plans for my life. I knew I was going to get the heck out of town, and live my life to the fullest. To me that meant getting a masters degree, traveling the world doing conservation work, and falling in love somewhere down the road with a guy who was not a jerk.
High school was finally over and college began. I wanted it to be a fresh start, but circumstances tried to prevent that from happening. First, my parents decided that my education was not important and that I could no longer live with them. Thank God for my grandmother who came to my rescue, again, and for being able to get into campus housing. Second, some drama from high school followed me to college. But, I was determined to do what I needed to do, fight the good fight, and leave this place behind. I also met my future husband during all of this. He was in my biology class and we became friends. Eventually, those feelings changed and we started dating. Everything was going great and my future seemed bright. One thing lead to another (as it often does) and I found myself pregnant.
That’s when my plans changed. I wish I could say I took it all in stride, rolled with the punches, but yeah not so much. We are only willing to accept change if it fits the plans we have made. But when life changes without our permission we lose it, getting upset, depressed, and angry. Like any other young person, I thought “my life is over!” Shock and disappointment flooded my mind, now what was I going to do? My plans for my life were derailed and I was never going to be the woman I wanted to be. Boy was I wrong. What I thought was a life ending, absolute disaster was really one of the best things ever to happen to me. Even though I thought my plans for my life were the best, God knew better. No one can see into the future, so who knows if my path was a good one. I am leaning towards it wasn’t since what I have seen of God’s goodness is that He works things out for the better.
Now I look at what I wanted as items on my bucket list. I still want a Masters degree and I would love to travel the world. One day, those things will happen, until then I have plenty to keep myself busy with!
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11